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Literature
Eternally Rough Draft
The night was calm and still. Not even the sound of the wind broke the dream-like silence that seemed to envelop the world. For a brief moment, Mallory panicked, believing that she had accidentally fallen asleep. She was exhausted, after all, having not slept much for the past three days. She tried, of course, knowing that rest would be needed for this important night, but her worrisome thoughts would not cease to rampage her mind, and sleep remained out of her reach.
Mallory moved slowly, as if afraid she would disturb some unknown presence filling every nook and cranny of her bedroom. She gathered a flab of skin between her right thumb and pointer finger and squeezed tightly. The action caused her arm slight discomfort, and Mallory let out a slow breath, relieved. Awake she was, and awake she would stay until the time was right.
Back turned to her window, Mallory kept her eyes on a sliver of moonlight that shone through her hastily closed curtains. The ray sloped over the edge of her
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 2 0
Literature
Heartbeat
It flutters against my chest
Beating
Pumping
Twisting
I want to tear it out
I don’t understand why
Hearts
Keep lives
And destroy them
It’s just an organ
A muscle
Disgusting and bloody
All it does is beat
Beat
Beat
And pump
Pump
Pump
And twist
Twist
Twist
So I can live
Live
Live
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 2 0
Literature
Rhyming
Poems don’t have to rhyme to be good
They don’t have to have style or meter
But these restrictions on my art would
Definitely beg to differ
So I will pound on the keys
Until my fingers turn red
And I will ask God to please
Give me words to write
So I can go to bed
So I can sleep another night
Restless and stressed
As my words, limits, and might
Are put to the test
So I can wake up the next morning
Not even a little refreshed
And look at my poems
And hate them at best
I will grasp at straws
To get things to rhyme
And then I’ll pause
And think
I can do better
Next time
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 5 1
Literature
Listen to Me
I don’t want
To be just
Another face
I want to be
Someone
I want
People
To see me
And smile
I want to be
Special
I want to be
Noticed
I want to be
Loved
I need to be
Right here
Right now
Listening
And living
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 3 0
Literature
Free Write #3: Dream Demons
Some creatures entered into her dreams
She fought
She screamed and punched and kicked
And she woke up
Breathing, breathing, panting
She knew that when she woke up she would be safe
So she fought to wake herself up
Alone
Nobody to fight by her side
Because they didn’t know
And she had given up trying to tell them
So when the monsters entered once more
She fought
And bled
And collapsed
And won
And woke
Never to sleep again
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 3 0
Literature
Dutton's Poetry Assignment
I Don’t Do Poetry
A poem by thenextjigsaw
I can not write poems
So I will not try
And
You
Can't
Make
Me
I Will Not Write A Sonnet
A sonnet by thenextjigsaw
Another assignment from Renaissance?
I have always been a bit sarcastic
So from the land where we write, sing, and “dahnce”
Come ideas that are quite fantastic
But how does one write a decent poem?
I’ll admit I don’t know how to do it
I know that either way I’ll sound dumb
I think I’ll be lazy and google it
“Iambic pentameter!” it demands
Frankly...I couldn't get the hang of it
And now I will mention on the offhand
You don’t want to read my so-called sonnet
Look. I can’t do this. It’s over. I’m done.
I give up on sonnets. I won’t write one.
I Don't Want To Do This But I Will Anyways
A poem by thenextjigsaw
Why was this
Of all things
Assigned?
Look
I can't write poetry
I really really can't
But here I go
Inhal
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 2 0
Literature
Conformity
If listening to music with swears
Defined your personality
Then I would probably be
At the bottom of a ditch
Bloody and broken
With drugs in my pocket
And booze on my breath
Not to say that I’ve gone unscathed
And I’m definitely not saying
That I’m not at the bottom of a ditch
Currently
There is just a definite absence
Of illegal substances
Just because my writing involves
Four letter words
And violence
Just because my music has
A huge letter E
On the cover art
Marking it “explicit”
Just because I like to describe things
In horrible, gory detail
Just because my writing
My stories
My poems
My songs
Don’t always have happy endings
Does not mean that they are not art
I used to think
That if I wrote something
About death
Or violence
I would be locked away
In an insane asylum
Or somewhere similar
You misinterpret my music
As the music of a hooligan
You misinterpret my stories
As the writing of a psychopath
You fail to acknowledge
That my poems have meanin
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 2 2
Mature content
Free Write #2 :iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 1 0
Literature
Free Write #1
Last night I had that feeling
That monster clawing at my insides
That feeling of wanting to cry but not being able to
That feeling of being trapped inside my emotions
That feeling of a silent scream
Working its way through my fingers
Screams can leave scars, you know
I wonder how tightly I can curl myself into a ball
Without crushing myself
Did you know that an average person can fit inside a companion cube?
A companion cube has .62 meters to a side
Wow
You don’t even have to break the bones or anything
You just have to rip up their insides
I’ll tell myself a story, then
A story of a girl much like me
She has the same birthday
She ages with me
We share heights and weights
Shoe sizes
Clothing styles
Haircuts
We even share the same name
But the girl is not me
She and I do not exist together
She is my plaything
And I, hers
This is the only way our relationship works
This is the only way it will ever work
She is the only one I will have a relationship with
That is completely de
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 1 0
Literature
Poems of the Romantic Era
Remnants
Inspired by William Wordsworth’s poem: To a Butterfly
The remnants of my childhood,
They tend to be misunderstood
As simple relics of a past
In which my laughter didn’t last
Although this may be nearly true
There is one thing I must admit
When I come face to face with you
My jaw, once stuck, loses its glue
And the secrets start to escape my lips
Merely a little sister you may be
Yet, you’re the one who taught me to see
Your stubbornness and affection
Leads to your knowledge and correction
For, when everyone else believed
My mind was withered and tainted
You listened well and protected me
From hurtful words and lies and greed
And colorless remnants were repainted
This Vacant Night
Inspired by John Keats’ sonnet: Bright Star
The moon glows softly on this vacant night
When my family sleeps on, unaware
That I have given my toes to frostbite
The wind lashes at and thrashes my hair
I wonder if I should get up and leave
Behind my cl
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw
:iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 4 0
Mature content
Red Alert :iconthenextjigsaw:thenextjigsaw 1 0

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Kali Rose Character Review/Analysis
**DISCLAIMER: I do not write these reviews to be mean or hateful. They are very exaggerated (for the most part) and all in good fun. Please bear in mind that my reviews do not necessarily reflect my opinion on the character's artist. And please, do not go out of your way to bully the artists that I talk about in these reviews.**
So, there's lots of things that I've been wanting to say about lunareclipse's character, Kali Rose. Unfortunately, there is too much to be said about this "original character" to simply rant about in a simple comment on her profile. So, I decided to write a full review. Also, a message to lunareclipse, don't try to comment and say something like "I never asked you to review my character, keep your opinion to yourself," well you should have realized by now, in the action of posting art to DA, you are pretty much silently asking for criticism, whether you like it or not. So I have as much right to review
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Journal
Broken Eve Character Review/Analysis
**DISCLAIMER: I do not write these reviews to be mean or hateful. They are very exaggerated (for the most part) and all in good fun. Please bear in mind that my reviews do not necessarily reflect my opinion on the character's artist. And please, do not go out of your way to bully the artists that I talk about in these reviews.**
Hey, remember when I wrote this review? - 
So that same artist made a new account (XxelectraheartxX), along with a new creepypasta character. My friend Violet-Foxes wrote a review on her, and the moment I saw her I thought, "Holy crap I need to review this character." Unfortunately, despite the fact that the artist has made a new account, she's still keeping up her cyberbullying tendencies, which is too bad. I felt like a needed a bit of break while I'm analyzing an incredibly well developed character, so here's a nice and healthy dose of stupid. 
Here's her design:

Overall, this design
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Activity


The night was calm and still. Not even the sound of the wind broke the dream-like silence that seemed to envelop the world. For a brief moment, Mallory panicked, believing that she had accidentally fallen asleep. She was exhausted, after all, having not slept much for the past three days. She tried, of course, knowing that rest would be needed for this important night, but her worrisome thoughts would not cease to rampage her mind, and sleep remained out of her reach.

Mallory moved slowly, as if afraid she would disturb some unknown presence filling every nook and cranny of her bedroom. She gathered a flab of skin between her right thumb and pointer finger and squeezed tightly. The action caused her arm slight discomfort, and Mallory let out a slow breath, relieved. Awake she was, and awake she would stay until the time was right.

Back turned to her window, Mallory kept her eyes on a sliver of moonlight that shone through her hastily closed curtains. The ray sloped over the edge of her bed and bent up against the wall. Even though the night was warm, the thought of the moonlight grazing her bare skin made Mallory feel inexplicably cold, as if the icy claws of the boogeyman were lightly brushing her spine. She shivered and pulled her knees up to her chest, knowing that any attempt to cover herself up with the blanket previously kicked to the foot of her bed would be in vain. Her room was hot enough without the extra warmth provided by her worn comforter.

Mallory glanced at an old, LED alarm clock sitting on the edge of her bedside table. In its prime, the clock was bright pink and decorated with yellow and red flowers. Over the years, the bright colors faded, and the clock became dirty and dull. To Mallory, that didn’t matter a bit. The clock’s sole purpose was to tell the time, not spice up her bedroom with disgustingly obnoxious colors.

According to the alarm clock, it was sixteen minutes past midnight. Sixteen minutes past the time Mallory was told she would have to wait for. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. It was said that she would be met with a knock on her window around midnight, but Mallory figured that a fifteen minute grace period was more than enough leeway.

For the first time that night, Mallory voluntarily allowed her eyes to close. It was probably a joke anyway… She wearily thought to herself as her mind clouded with distorted sounds and pictures. Before she could fully submerse herself in her dreams, a slight noise jolted her awake. The sound wasn’t very loud, but it was clearly different than sounds that tended to come from dreams, and it was this fact that caused Mallory to quickly push herself into a sitting position and glance towards the window.

The ray of moonlight was gone, only to be replaced by what appeared to be a shadow. The sound came again: three rapid knocks on the windowpane. Mallory pushed herself from her bed and tiptoed towards the window, careful not to let the floorboards creak. The knocking came once more before she was able to tear open the curtains and throw open the window. Standing before her was the man she met three days before. He had introduced himself as Nicolas Callion.

“You’re late,” Mallory greeted, scowling. “By sixteen minutes.”

“And you’re late by four.” Nicolas folded his arms on the window sill and leaned forward casually. “It’s twenty minutes past midnight.”  He smiled slightly, amused. “I’ve been tapping on this window for nearly five minutes. I was just about to give up, but here you are.”

Mallory gritted her teeth in frustration. It was the one night she needed to stay awake, and she drifted off. She didn’t need Nicolas to hold that mistake over her head. He seemed like the kind of person who would do something like that. “Whatever. Just tell me what I need to do.”

“Can you make it to the garage?”

Mallory shook her head. “My dad’s sleeping on the couch.”

“I just need you to open it.”

“Yes, because that definitely won’t wake him.” Mallory rolled her eyes. “C’mon, slick. You’re supposed to be the smart one.”

Nicolas smirked. “I thought you were tougher than this, Red.”

“Cocky son-of-a-.”

“Look,” Nicolas interrupted. He removed his arms from the window sill and checked a  cheap-looking watch on his left wrist, “we can stand here trading petty insults, or we can actually get something done tonight. It’s entirely your choice, but I do have better things to do than loiter outside a low-class high schooler’s window and-”

“Alright, alright,” Mallory interrupted. “I get it. Just give me a second.” She slammed the window before Nicolas could respond. The hollow thud of wood against wood sounded akin to an atomic bomb exploding in the silence of the night. Mallory froze, listening for any tell-tale signs that her father had woken up. Silence, excluding the sound of her rapidly beating heart, was the only thing Mallory heard.

She turned towards her bedroom door, fuming. Nicolas couldn’t be that much older than her, and based on his choice of clothing he couldn’t have that much more money, yet he had the nerve to try and insult her using age and wealth?

Mallory sighed and started to make her way over to the door of her bedroom, the illumination from her window giving her just enough visibility to avoid tripping over any obstacles that could be in the way. Nicolas was a handful, that was for sure, but he was her only ticket out of the hell-hole she was living in. She didn’t have to like him, but she had to trust him, at least temporarily. What did she have to worry about anyway? Death? Hardly.
Eternally Rough Draft
So I'm trying to write a book. I started writing this awhile ago and stopped due to lack of time and motivation. I originally didn't want to post this because I'm so insecure about it, but f*** it. Eternally is a working title, though I'll probably change it. I haven't gotten too far in terms of writing the story down, and what I'm posting right now is the only part I've written that I feel decent with. Please give me feedback.
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Okay, I'm getting pretty annoyed with this guy I'm subscribed to on YouTube named CavemanFilms. Might do a review on his work because it pisses me off, but that won't be until either I finish the reviews I'm working on (getting close Craziedfan064. I'll probably finish the mechanics portion of the review either this or next weekend) or I snap. Feel free to make bets.
AHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH snootynooty, MY BELOVED WEAPON WIFE
Request #4: RANT!
:iconthenextjigsaw: asked me to draw a ranting session, so here it is! I'm so sorry this is late D:
It flutters against my chest
Beating
Pumping
Twisting
I want to tear it out
I don’t understand why
Hearts
Keep lives
And destroy them
It’s just an organ
A muscle
Disgusting and bloody
All it does is beat
Beat
Beat
And pump
Pump
Pump
And twist
Twist
Twist
So I can live
Live
Live
Heartbeat
This is the last one I'm posting today. I promise.
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Poems don’t have to rhyme to be good
They don’t have to have style or meter
But these restrictions on my art would
Definitely beg to differ


So I will pound on the keys
Until my fingers turn red
And I will ask God to please
Give me words to write
So I can go to bed


So I can sleep another night
Restless and stressed
As my words, limits, and might
Are put to the test


So I can wake up the next morning
Not even a little refreshed
And look at my poems
And hate them at best


I will grasp at straws
To get things to rhyme
And then I’ll pause
And think
I can do better
Next time
Rhyming
Another English assignment from last year. We had to write at least one poem that rhymed. I'm not great at rhyming poems, so I decided to be a sarcastic little bitch about it.
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Well, here we are again. I feel like this shitty story has consumed my life. Whatever. Not like I had much of a life to consume anyway.

BROKEN EVE BACKSTORY

 By XxelectraheartxX


When we last left off, we discovered that Eve was being stalked by Jeff the Killer a total stranger we have no idea about at all what-so-ever. What could possibly happen next? It's a mystery.

eve had been always abused by her fat dad who shye hated 
"dad im going to my friends house"
"no you are NOT YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH" her dad yelled
and then he threw a bottle at her head and she fell over and 
hit it and broke her arm
"ok bye dad!" eve and then ran out the door



*deep breath* Okay. Okay. I'm not going to go on a full fledged rant about the plot of this story right now. I will not go on and on about how offensive and disrespectful it is until much later, but believe me, dear reader. That day will come.

For now, let's look at this atrocious grammar.

eve had been always abused by her fat dad who shye hated

According to Urban Dictionary, the definition of shye is "a context sensitive word used to refer to things that you wouldn't want other people you're around to know about. Such as: booze, drugs, hot women, or any other illegal activities or substances". Though I'm not sure how "hot women" can be considered an "illegal activity or substance", I am sure this is not what you meant by "shye". I am 99% sure that you meant to write "she". Please proofread.

No correct capitalization and punctuation, but that's nothing new. Eve should be capitalize, there should be a period at the end of the sentence, and there should be a comma after "dad".

"Had been always" should be "had always been". It flows better that way. Here's a tip that everyone should listen to: say your writing out loud. If it doesn't sound right when you say it, then it probably needs to be changed. Also, "who" should technically be "whom". It's an error that's hard to spot, especially for more inexperienced writers, so I won't hold it against you. If you're referring to the subject of your sentence (Eve's dad in this case), then use whom.

"dad im going to my friends house"

Again, any semblance of correct capitalization or punctuation is nowhere to be found.

Now I'm going to give y'all a quick lesson on apostrophes.

Apostrophes have two main uses. The first use is to show possession. If you want to show that something or someone has possession of something or someone else, then you would add an apostrophe to the word, followed by an S. For example, "Cecil's boyfriend" shows that Cecil possesses a boyfriend. If the word you are trying to make possessive has an S at the end of it (whether it be because the word is plural or because the S is naturally there), then you would put an apostrophe after the S. For example, "Carlos' boyfriend" shows that Carlos possesses a boyfriend.

The second use for apostrophes is to shorten and combine words. Words like "I'm" and "y'all", for example, were originally "I am" and "you all". To shorten the words, you simply remove the extra vowels and replace them with an apostrophe.

Taking all of this into consideration, the "im" from this sentence should be "I'm", and the "friends" from this sentence should be "friend's".

Also, a comma after "dad" would do you some good as well. Another tip: if, while you're saying your writing out loud, there is a natural pause, then put a comma where that pause would be in your writing.

"no you are NOT YOU LITTLE FUCKING BITCH" her dad yelled

Do I even need to mention the capitalization and punctuation anymore? No? Moving on then...

Why isn't the beginning of the sentence emphasized with the rest of the sentence? This thing looks sloppy as hell. Just keep the entire sentence the same, and don't capitalize things to emphasize them. It should either be "No you are not, you little fucking bitch!" or "No you are not, you little fucking bitch!" Choose one.

and then he threw a bottle at her head and she fell over and 
hit it and broke her arm



Well this sentence is just a clusterfuck of wrong. Let's break it down.

and then her threw a bottle at her head

There is no need to start this sentence with "and". Also, why does her dad have a bottle? When was it established that he was holding a bottle? It never says that he's drinking anything. It doesn't even say that he's usually drunk. There's just a random bottle in his hand that only exists so he can throw it at Eve. Does he just buy "throwing bottles" specifically for the purpose of throwing them at his daughter? Because I don't think that's the level of fucked up you're trying to convey here.

and she fell over and 
hit it

Hit what? It's never specified. Did she literally hit the word "it"? What did It do to you?

"and broke her arm"



There are too many ands. "She broke her arm" can be a sentence on its own.

Also, how did she break her arm?!

Let me get this straight. Eve's dad threw a random bottle at her head. Eve fell down and hit the word "it" (how dare you. It never did anything to you). Eve broke her arm.



I'm done. I'll touch more on this in the last part of this review. Moving on.

"ok bye dad!" eve and then ran out the door

It's not "ok". It's either "OK" or "okay". Pick one.

"eve and then ran out the door" is not an acceptable sentence. It should be, "Eve then ran out the door" or, to make it sound less convoluted, "Eve ran out the door".

"I CANT WAIT FOR THE SLEEPOVER" eve yelled as she ran down the street to her friends house
she knocked on her door and heard something comment from the bushes...
she looked..
and it was.....
"HI EVE" eve screemed 
"BITCH WHAT THE FUCK" eve screemed as she accidentally knocked millie out



Oh dear.

"I CANT WAIT FOR THE SLEEPOVER" eve yelled as she ran down the street to her friends house

If you're going to have someone yell, please just use an exclamation point. There is no need for you to capitalize words here. And, again, "friends house" is possessive. It should be "friend's house".

she knocked on her door and heard something comment from the bushes...

What did they say? Nothing?

Oh, I see. You meant "coming". You see, "coming" and "comment" are two different words with two very different meanings. The definition of comment, according to Dictionary.com, is "a remark, observation, or criticism". The definition of coming, also according to Dictionary.com, is "approach; arrival; advent". As you can see, using the words interchangeably is, dare I say, idiotic.

she looked..
and it was....

Here we go again with the ellipses. Oh boy.

"HI EVE" eve screemed

Wait, so does Eve have DPD (dissociative identity disorder) then? I mean, I wouldn't be surprised. It is a pretty edgy mental disorder.

What's that? Eve's friend is supposed to be screaming here?

No. It says right here: "eve screemed". Granted, "screamed" is horrible misspelled, but it still implies that Eve was the one who screamed "HI EVE" in all caps for some reason.

Whatever. If you want to have Eve scream, make a separate paragraph for her action. Otherwise it sounds like Eve screamed "hi, Eve" to herself. By the way, a comma after the "hi" would do you some good. Just sayin'.

"BITCH WHAT THE FUCK" eve screemed as she accidentally knocked millie out

Image result for i don't think it means what you think it means gif

You keep spelling "screamed" like "screemed". I don't think that means what you think it means.

In fact, unlike all of your other misspelled words, the word "screemed" doesn't exist in any form. 

Image result for sarcastic good job gif

Other than that, there's nothing here that I haven't covered. The punctuation is terrible, as always. Millie should be capitalized. Stop capitalizing sentences to emphasize them. 'Nuff said.

Like before, I'm going to rewrite the part of the story I reviewed in a more grammatically correct manner.


Eve had been always abused by her fat dad, whom she hated.
"Dad, I'm going to my friend's house."
"No you are not, you little fucking bitch!" her dad yelled. He threw a bottle at her head and she fell over and hit it. She broke her arm.
"Okay, bye dad!" Eve ran out the door.
"I can't wait for the sleepover!" Eve yelled as she ran down the street to her friend's house. She knocked on her door and heard something comment from the bushes. She looked and it was.....
"Hi, Eve!"
Eve screamed.
"Bitch, what the fuck!" Eve screamed as she accidentally knocked Millie out.

I added a few more commas where I feel they should be, but you get the idea. You don't need me to point out every comma problem. We'd be here all week if that was the case.

And... that's it for part two of four. The next part of this review will be finishing up the story, and the final part will be dedicated to reviewing the actual "plot" of the story, rather than just the grammar and stuff. Be ready.

Thanks for reading! Have a good day! Don't die!

Peace!

Part 1
Part 3 (coming soon)
Part 4 (coming soon)

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thenextjigsaw
Dani Boi
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
I can't create visual art for shit, but I can write like hell.

I review stories. I might post some of my own if I feel like it.

I am always taking requests. I review stories and characters, and I would be cool with writing customized stories.



Currently Working On:
Broken Eve Review (Part 3)
Dues Ex Machina Creepypasta Review (Parts 1-6. Will all be released the 18th)
A very merry Christmas surprise
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tealtrousers Featured By Owner Nov 8, 2016  Student General Artist
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